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Mama Needs a Babymoon
by Wenda Reed

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie did it. Britney Spears and Kevin Federline did it. Maybe you would be interested in doing it too?

The fact that celebrities do something isn’t usually the best endorsement, but in this case they’re onto a good idea. Celebrity couples and an increasing number of ordinary people are planning a “babymoon” —– or more accurately a “pre-babymoon” — in the second or third trimester of pregnancy or in the months before adoption.

Resorts package it as “a Last Hurrah,” “Great Expectations” or “Motherhood in Balance.” -The idea is to spend some romantic time as a couple before being inundated with all the wonders and hassles and changes of parenthood. In addition to spa, golf and beach amenities, resorts market pregnancy massage, workshops on psychological and sexual aspects of postnatal life, breakfasts in bed, unlimited pickles and ice cream and gift baskets with teddy bears and lullaby CDs.

In the months leading up to motherhood, you’re probably feeling a mixture of joy and trepidation. You may imagine yourself nursing and cuddling your precious infant in a comfortable rocking chair in a softly lit room, as your husband or partner looks on lovingly. You may also imagine locking yourself in the bathroom with a trashy romance novel while your toddler pounds on the door asking, “Mommy, are you in there? What are you doing? When will you be done?”

Both scenarios are accurate. As you’ve probably been told repeatedly, parenting will be the most wonderful and fulfilling thing you’ve ever done and the most tiring and challenging job you’ll ever have. One thing is certain: It will be more difficult to maintain a good relationship with your partner as you go through postnatal or post-adoption mood swings, try to sleep, and reorient your universe to three stars instead of two.

As Seattle writer Heidi Raykeil writes in her wonderful book, Confessions of a Naughty Mommy: How I Found My Lost Libido (Seal Press, 2006), “My daughter and I are binary stars caught up in the gravity of a celestial dance. We are a galaxy of two. She’s the center of my universe, everything else is distant and insignificant.” She describes her love life in those first six months as “awkward, unbalanced, tipping and toppling.”

Indeed, many of us don’t feel especially sexual right after giving birth or bringing home a new baby. It’s a combination of fatigue, hormonal fluctuations, a “Don’t you dare make me pregnant right away” fear or an “I can’t stand anyone else messing with my boobs” feeling. But when you emerge from the single-minded absorption after the first few months, you may find intimacy with your partner badly strained and the re-connection hard to make.

Doctors John and Julie Gottman, cofounders of the Gottman Institute in Seattle, found this to be true when they analyzed couples they’d worked with and research from other laboratories. They discovered that after the first baby was born, relationship satisfaction dropped significantly for two-thirds of the couples. “Not surprisingly, their passion, sex and romance plummeted,” the Gottmans write in their new book, And Baby Makes Three: The Six-Step Plan for Preserving Marital Intimacy and Rekindling Romance After Baby Arrives (Crown Publishers, 2007). The book is based on their popular Bringing Baby Home two-day workshops at Swedish Hospital (206-386-2502, www.swedish.org).

A babymoon is a great start, whether it’s an expensive resort getaway, a short cruise, or a few nights camping in the woods. It’s a chance to concentrate on your love for each other and to make a conscious choice now — while you can still think straight — to put a priority on your relationship after baby comes.

There’s nothing selfish about taking a babymoon — or mini-honeymoons and date nights throughout your child’s early years. As the Gottmans write, “The greatest gift you can give your baby is a happy and strong relationship between the two of you.”

Wenda Reed is a Bothell freelance writer and mother of two.

Suggestions for spa and resort babymoon destinations are available by clicking here.

©2007 Caliope Publishing Company