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10 Ways Smart Women Sabotage Their Lives, Careers and Relationships by Nancy Solomon, MA

You know her. She may sit in the cubicle next to yours, or be your best friend. Perhaps she’s your mother, your mentor, your business associate or, dare I say, you. She’s probably got more potential than most people have brain cells. She may be smart or savvy or sophisticated. She knows her stuff, whatever it is, and she knows that you know it too. That’s the good news.
And the bad?

She’s a saboteur. Yes, Ms. Friend, Ms. Manager, Ms. Business Owner, Ms. Mom, Ms. Solopreneur has got the goods and she’s not using them. She can’t. Or she won’t. No matter, she’s perking on a mountain of potential and yet there’s nary a success in sight.

Are you reading these words and shaking your head, cringing, smirking or in some other way acknowledging that you, too, are not living up to your potential? That you know, at the very core of your being, that you have a rich and glorious array of gifts and talents meant to support you as you live your purpose and love your life? Yet day after day, month after month, you come up with reason after reason (read: excuse) for not doing the things that your inner wisdom is nudging you toward.

EXPLANATIONS ARE OFTEN EXCUSES IN DISGUISE.

FACT #1: You have an unlimited wealth of potential.

FACT #2: Unless it’s activated, your potential becomes a great liability rather than an asset, because you spend so much energy beating yourself up for the things you talk about doing but don’t actually do.

Unless you give your potential your full and deliberate attention, there is no written guarantee it will magically turn into something significant. Your potential didn’t come with an owner’s manual; it’s up to you to uniquely and consciously take the unfettered ingredients of your life and create a masterpiece with them. Or not.

PERHAPS YOU’RE UNCOMFORTABLE NOT BECAUSE YOUR VISION IS TOO BIG, BUT BECAUSE YOU’RE STANDING IN A PLACE TOO SMALL.

Potential in and of itself is nothing. Deciding whether to activate your potential is one of the most life-altering choices you’ll ever make because, either way, there will be an impact. You don’t get to carry any unused portion of your potential into the next lifetime, the way you might roll over minutes on your cell phone plan. That’s a benevolent way of saying, “You’re running out of time — make a choice before there’s no choice to make.”

Want to know the best-kept secret of successful women? Women who are living powerfully are not necessarily more talented than other people. They don’t have greater skills or a higher IQ, either. (Truth be told, sometimes the really smart ones think themselves out of their greatness by doing the logical, rational, practical thing instead of following their heart.) They aren’t more ambitious than most. They’re not prettier, thinner, wealthier, more politically savvy or more sophisticated than those who have chosen not to live powerfully. The sole differentiating factor is that the ones who are excelling in life have given themselves permission to do whatever they want, provided it will serve their best and highest good. No matter what!

Successful women give themselves permission to take up space, to relinquish the shelter of invisibility, to move freely about in their own skin. They allow themselves to be seen, heard and celebrated — to be authentic. They defend their inalienable right to ask themselves and others the super tough questions, especially the scary ones that help them grow and evolve. They assume they are entitled to use the gifts they were given, and they naturally assume that others will treasure the impact those gifts have on the world. They’re like golden retrievers, who just take it for granted that everyone is thrilled to see them (which we are).

These women who are turning their potential into performance deal with the same issues all women do; they just don’t allow those issues to dominate their lives.

It’s both your right and your responsibility to give yourself permission to live your life on purpose and to make a positive impact. Permission creates impact by opening up your treasure vault and inviting every jewel within you to come out; to be as big, bodacious and brazen as you dare (think: ten carats).

Here are ten ways smart women sabotage their lives, careers and relationships. Which ones apply to you?

1. YOU COMPARE YOUR LIFE TO EVERYONE ELSE’S.

If you do this, you’re guaranteed to come up short, to get depressed and to feel stuck. Every time you compare yourself to someone else, you diminish yourself. You are you. If you don’t do the ‘job’ by being you, it will never get done. How sad for the rest of us!

2. YOU DON’T ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT.

This way you get to feel like a victim when you don’t get it. Ask yourself instead, “What do I want?” Ask today. And again tomorrow.

3. YOU DON’T ASK THE HARD QUESTIONS.

The answers might compel you to change what’s not working. Questions open doorways. They will lead you to the truth of who you are. Remember: The questions are always bigger than the answers.

4. YOU LET FEAR RULE YOUR DAY.

Fear is a fabulous excuse for not doing anything, but fear is not the problem. What you think about it just might be. Lesson: Don’t believe everything you think. The people who try and the people who fail to try both experience fear. Which person are you?

5. YOU LIVE LIKE INTEGRITY IS FLEXIBLE.

After all, it’s not your fault that the cashier gave you too much change... Know your core values; live by them and you’ll never have to worry about sabotaging yourself.

6. YOU STAY SAFE.

You believe you won’t get hurt if you play it safe, and growth is overrated anyway, isn’t it? But you should know that ‘safe’ exists in only one place: the movies.

7. YOU HOLD ON TO YOUR SCARCITY MENTALITY.

It worked for your grandmother during the Depression, and your ex in divorce court, didn’t it? Yet there are billions of dollars out there to be earned. There are millions of happy and healthy relationships to have. There is a ton of recognition to go around. The people who have these things know they are deserving and worthy and they are open to receiving.

8. YOU HANG OUT WITH THE LOWEST COMMON DENOMINATOR.

Sometimes women try to feel better about themselves to avoid the pressure to excel by sticking with people who don’t challenge them. But remember, you are the average of the five people you hang out with. If you want to create abundance, hang out with abundant people. If you want to become more educated, hang out with people who are smart and have tons of terrific life experience. If you want to love and trust yourself more, then hang out with people who already feel that way about themselves.

9. YOU CHOOSE REGRET OVER FAILURE.

Rare is the dying woman who wished she’d done less with her life.

10. YOU ARE A FOLLOWER.

If you follow, no one can see when you mess up. A leader, on the other hand, is anyone who lives her purpose and loves her life in front of everyone.

Until now you may have made these choices by default, but consider this a new moment in your life. It’s time to deliberately and consciously choose to be more powerful, more authentic, more courageous and more successful. And remember this: the simplest way to get more of what you want is to be more of who you already are.

Nancy D. Solomon, MA, is a nationally recognized human potential expert and life strategist who provides training, keynotes and coaching. Her new book is Impact! What Every Woman Needs to Know to Go From Invisible to Invincible. Whether working with large organizations or passionate individuals, Nancy’s message is the same: Live your purpose and love your life. www.nancydsolomon.com

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