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For My Friend

In the hospital, and particularly in the intensive care unit, time as we measure it by the routine events of our daily lives falls away. As I stood at the bedside of my closest friend on the Friday before Christmas, I had no idea whether it was 6 p.m. or 2 a.m. Each time she woke, her eyes went wide with terror as she struggled against the respirator that caused her to gag. I stroked her forehead and spoke quiet words of reassurance until she slept again.

All the while, I was thinking I couldn’t imagine not being able to talk to her several times a week, if not every day. I couldn’t imagine, after having her in my life for almost 14 years, her not being there. Our friendship dates back to a time before husbands, before children. She is the godmother to my 8-year-old son; I am the godmother to her 8-year-old daughter. Our children are like siblings to each other.

She is a lawyer, a judge, a superb gardener and accomplished telemark skier, a fabulous wife, mother and stepmother. And all of her loved ones are reeling, struggling to comprehend how someone so strong could be knocked flat by a simple cold that morphed into a staph infection in her spine and resulted in paralysis. But because of her strength and determination, we are also hopeful for a full recovery. Small movements – a fluttering of the fingers, a wiggling of the toes – have become cause for celebration as she continues her recovery at the UW Rehabilitation Center. She can now eat a sandwich with one hand.

As can happen in situations like this, some positive things have occurred in the wake of my friend’s illness. Several friends have formed a network to pick up the many varied strands of her life. Whole communities of people from Bainbridge Island where she lives have come forward to support her and her family in everything from delivering dinners to caring for her child. I have had the privilege of fulfilling my role as a godmother and “rising to the occasion” of being a best friend. I have known the personal satisfaction that comes from caring for someone you love. My friend has no doubt that she is highly valued.

In all of this, I am constantly reminded of how important it is to nurture our friendships, especially our longstanding ones. Every woman I know is busy on so many levels: with family, household responsibilities, occupation, vocation, dealing with personal health concerns. It’s easy to put off a call or getting together, to let too much time go by before checking in with our old friends.

My friend and I have watched new friends come and go in each other’s lives. Some stuck and became part of our joint circle of friends. We’ve watched each other take on interests different than our own. None of that has weakened our connection. Whenever we’ve needed someone other than our spouses, be it for affirmation, honest feedback, a sympathetic ear or to share our good news, we’ve turned to each other. In general, we women seem to need each other in ways that men do not, or maybe we’re just better at making the connections. Whatever the case, I can say with heartfelt sincerity: How very fortunate we are.

Karen Reed-Matthee
Editor

©February 2006 Caliope Publishing Company